So… what do you think? New format, new look, new everything… After 15 months on Blogger, I’ve moved to WordPress and revamped things a bit. It was time… for a change.
I’ve replaced the “don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…” quote from Baz Luhrmann with this new one by Mark Twain: “eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”
Let me explain…
I find myself in an unexpected and unfamiliar position these days: I do know what I want to do with my life. The not knowing was stressful and confusing, a weight I carried for far too long. I thought there was something wrong with me. I wondered why I didn’t have a calling and when my path would be revealed to me.
There was nothing wrong with me. I was just wrong.
My path was always available to me – I just couldn’t see it. Circumstance, “real life” and fear prevented me from finding my way. Fear has long been the primary motivator in my life and it is only when I let go of it and took a chance that I was able to find some clarity. Fear is murky and suffocating, an unscaleable wall, daunting and endless, a great yoke around your neck. Too, it is a familiar lament, a warm blanket – a friend in times of darkness. For me, fear was the great dichotomy.
The knowing comes with its own set of problems; obligation, expectation, surrender… It also comes with fear but it is a fear that feels very different. It isn’t crippling any more. It is not a fear that swallows me whole.
I often think about those poor souls who audition for American Idol and simply cannot sing. It must be truly awful to have a dream, a calling that lives in your bones, and not be any good at it. Painters who cannot paint, dancers without any grace, a comedian who just isn’t funny; these people are the truly tormented, the saddest clowns of our world.
What if I needed to be a writer and nobody cared? What if I had stories to tell and nobody wanted to listen? What if I’d found my voice and it fell on deaf ears?
In the end, it didn’t and doesn’t matter. The reward is in the doing. The path is the path. The change is the thing.
The new quote by Mark Twain that graces the top of my blog speaks to who I am today and who I am trying to be tomorrow. It reminds me that fear and change are just live frogs that need to be eaten. It tells me to take the largest pack of lies I am obsessing about and swallow it down first, to do that one thing that terrifies me the most and to do it now.
The rest, by comparison, will be easy.