(gay mar-riage) noun
same as above except with partners of a similar gender and a lot more oral sex: a very happy marriage.
My marriage is probably not very different from yours. We have the same hopes and dreams, we fight about the same things and worry about similar issues; the economic downturn, our job security and what we’re going to wear to this years Oscar party. We try to save for our future, dream about “one day” owning a house and want to leave a healthy planet for following generations.
The major difference is that in my marriage there are more penises involved.
As any woman with a husband and/or sons can surely confirm, the more penises there are, the more work is involved.
Let’s be honest: penises are messy! They spray and drip and leak and are impossible to aim. Getting a man to “sit” is harder than teaching a new puppy at obedience class. It’s wrapped up in some macho bullshit about masculinity; women sit, men stand, now go get me a beer…
While we’re at it: penises smell! They get “funky” fast and quickly end up reeking of musk or cheese. God help you if there is a foreskin involved… A penis, like any fruit or vegetable needs to be washed before eating.
There are up-sides to having a minimum of two penises per relationship.
Everybody has a toy! When, as little boys, we first locate this wondrous appendage between our legs we are generally hooked for life and play with it as often as we can. Unlike a shiny new Tonka truck we are encouraged not to share with others. Our first sense of ownership comes from the discovery of our penis; it’s mine, it’s fine and I’m naming him Pedro…
The blowjob factor… The easiest way to make a man happy (or to get that new Coach bag you’ve been eyeing) is by heading down town for a little street cleaning. Double the penises, double the happiness!
At the end of the day, this is a subtle difference; my marriage and your marriage are really no different. Same hopes. Same dreams. Same problems. Same fears. I respect yours and ask that you respect mine.
And the next time you see two gleeful gay guys walking down the street hand in hand, give them a knowing wink and a smile.
The difference, you see, is all in the jeans…