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Hey Steve…

Hey Steve...

Hey Steve, Long time, no chat… How have you been? Still having trouble sleeping? You really shouldn’t let that video of Justin Trudeau stripping bother you so much. Sure, he’s 12 years ...

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The Soundtrack Of My Life

The Soundtrack Of My Life

stupid (stoo-pid) adjective lacking intelligence or common sense: I am stupid. fat (fat) noun a natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animals bodies, esp. when deposited as a layer under the skin or around ...

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Did I Vote On Your Marriage?

Did I Vote On Your Marriage?

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for the GLBT community. Ask any American where the center of the Universe is and they’ll tell you it’s somewhere below the ...

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This House Is Not Yet A Home

This House Is Not Yet A Home

house (hous) noun a building for human habitation; esp. one that is lived in by a family or a small group of people: this house is not yet a home. You know you’re getting ...

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Does Size Matter?

Does Size Matter?

The quick answer is “yes.” I assume that your dirty little mind went “there” immediately… mine generally does. I am what is affectionately called a “crotch watcher,” as it is the first ...

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I F*cking Hate Valentines Day

I F*cking Hate Valentines Day

February 14 (feb-ru-ar-y 14) noun the 45th day of the Gregorian calendar; Valentines Day; on February 14th I’ll show you how much you mean to me. Valentines Day makes my skin crawl.  Of all the manufactured ...

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Hunting Unicorns

Hunting Unicorns

mythical (myth-i-cal) adjective occurring in or characteristic of myths or folk tales; the unicorn is a mythical creature. A good friend of mine recently came out to me. Not from the closet – she’s ...

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As Free As My Hair

As Free As My Hair

That I’ll die livin’ just as free as my hair” - Lady Gaga The experiment is over. The waste-bin is filled with the remnants of my latest misguided attempt to grow out ...

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Hunting And Pecking My Way Out

hiding (hid-ing) noun the action of concealing something or someone; I’ve been hiding most of my life. I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately with Lara Croft.  The new “reboot” of Tomb ...

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Did The Lord Of The Rings Make Me Gay?

by Robbie Romu on April 8, 2013

fantasize
(fan-ta-size) verb
indulge in daydreaming about something desired; I used to fantasize about Hobbits.

I read The Lord Of The Rings long before I understood what it was all about. Our family had a condensed version, where all three volumes were combined into one giant book. It weighed as much as I did.

I was literally in the closet back then. Due to a large window beside my bed and an irrational fear of being eaten alive in the middle of the night by wild animals, I slept in a built-in closet at the foot of my bed. At night, huddled beneath my blankets with a flashlight, I would read until the lines began to blur together and I could not keep my eyes open any longer. I would underline and write down all of the words I did not understand and look them up the next day.

The complex machinations of Middle Earth were well beyond my years but I definitely identified with the underlying themes of Tolkien’s work; triumph over impossible odds, unbreakable friendships and good conquering evil. I kept terrible secrets and answered in riddles when asked about my sexuality. I nimbly dodged crushing blows from

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Hunting And Pecking My Way Out

by Robbie Romu on March 11, 2013

hiding
(hid-ing) noun
the action of concealing something or someone; I’ve been hiding most of my life.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately with Lara Croft.  The new “reboot” of Tomb Raider is out and her and I have been running, jumping and shooting our way across a mysterious island in the South Pacific for the better part of a week.  Before Lara it was Isaac Clarke from Dead Space 3 and before that, the Vault Hunters from Borderlands 2.

The point being… I spend a lot of time with my PS3.  I am a “hider” and my favorite place to hide is in video games.

A “hider” is someone who, when faced with adverse situations, chooses to lie low instead of facing the adversity head on.  Kindred spirits include “runners,” “drinkers” and “sex addicts.”  Workaholics, reality TV junkies, avid readers, the kid on the bus with the massive headphones… we are everywhere.

I am not sure when this particular coping mechanism became my “go to” tool for avoidance and self preservation, but it, or a version of it, has been with me since the very beginning.  Growing up in an abusive home without any positive role

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As Free As My Hair

by Robbie Romu on February 25, 2013


That I’ll die livin’ just as free as my hair”
– Lady Gaga

The experiment is over. The waste-bin is filled with the remnants of my latest misguided attempt to grow out my hair and I feel… relieved. There was something disingenuous about the whole ordeal, something sordid and not quite right.

I’ve been shaving my head for the better part of a decade, out of sheer convenience and utter laziness mainly, but also because I am too cheap to pay some gay guy good money for something I can do at home for free. It wasn’t something I thought about too much, unless somebody else brought it up. Not having hair was never a part of my consciousness, until I decided to grow it out.

A few weeks in and I realized that I was spending much more time in front of the mirror, poking and primping my new Chia Pet, trying to make it look… well, different than it looked.  A month in and I began to wear a lot of hats.  After 6 weeks I invested in some product, indignantly paying $15 for “sculpting gel” whose entire purpose was to make me look like I had just

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I F*cking Hate Valentines Day

by Robbie Romu on February 14, 2013

February 14
(feb-ru-ar-y 14) noun
the 45th day of the Gregorian calendar; Valentines Day; on February 14th I’ll show you how much you mean to me.

Valentines Day makes my skin crawl.  Of all the manufactured holidays we are forced to endure, this one really busts my balls.

When I strip away the ludicrous trappings of holidays like Christmas or Easter, there is a glimmer of merit buried beneath the spectacle that makes sense to me. I get the value is celebrating special days dedicated to our Mothers and Fathers and even our secretaries… oh wait, our Administrative Professionals, but I just don’t get Valentines Day.

In fact, I loathe Valentines Day.

Every year, like some diabolical doomsday clock, February 14th ticks closer and closer and closer until there is nowhere left to run and hide. It’s here and the cloyingly sweet smell of expectation and hope is in the air.

It is a day that is designed to make us feel shitty about ourselves.

From the very beginning, when our grade school teachers tell us that everyone in the class must get a valentine, “so that nobody feels bad,” this day is tied to our self

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This House Is Not Yet A Home

by Robbie Romu on February 1, 2013

house
(hous) noun
a building for human habitation; esp. one that is lived in by a family or a small group of people: this house is not yet a home.

You know you’re getting old when…

The correlation between this phrase and the grave is irrefutable.  The closer you get to the pine box or the urn, the more you hear yourself saying it.  It mysteriously enters your lexicon around 36 – when everything really starts to go to Hell – and asserts its presence more and more as the years tick ungratefully by.

The other day I threw my back out during “sexy times.”  That’s what my husband and I call our bi-monthly rutting… because it sounds better than “bi-monthly rutting.”  So, there we were, in the shower (because even our amorous moments are dual-purposed) when some dumb flunky upstairs flushes their toilet – that’s the sign for our water to turn to “volcano” temperature – and all Hell breaks loose.

Generally, the first thing one does when scalding water begins to sear the flesh from your skin is attempt to get out of the way, so naturally, this is what I tried to do.  Unfortunately, two things that

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Hunting Unicorns

by Robbie Romu on January 17, 2013

mythical
(myth-i-cal) adjective
occurring in or characteristic of myths or folk tales; the unicorn is a mythical creature.

A good friend of mine recently came out to me. Not from the closet – she’s not gay (or isn’t anymore… it’s complicated) – but from the confines of a traditional marriage. It turns out that her and her husband have been exploring the boundaries of what is considered “normal” for quite some time and have decided to stop hiding it from those who love and care about them.

I applauded her courage and demanded to know everything!

An innocent night of recreational psychedelics evolved into a foursome with mutual friends, which led to an abruptly pertinent conversation about their state of affairs. After “holy fuck, what was that?” and “holy fuck, that was awesome!” there were some other issues that needed to be discussed; namely, what does this say about our marriage?

The assumption is that something is wrong.  The end goal, the mythical “gold ring” that we are all chasing, is monogamy – we’ve been taught that since day one – so if monogamy is suddenly gone then something must be broken. This shit has

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2012: A Year Of Living Fearlessly?

by Robbie Romu on December 31, 2012

review
(re-vyoo) noun
a report on or evaluation of a subject or past events: a review of 2012.

I don’t know if this happened to you last year or not, but I turned another year older (43… still watching Glee?). Birthdays come and go without much fanfare these days; however, 43 was more stressful than the last few… because of the blog. I was pretty wrapped up in finding a new name for it, mainly since I was no longer going to be 42, but also because I discovered (much to my surprise) that maybe, just maybe, I did have a clue after all…

I know right? Pretty mind-blowing!

The first big change of 2012 came in January when I left my job. I worked at Urban Barn for 10 years, got my Tiffany ring and bolted for greener pastures… Actually, who am I kidding, it was nothing like that. After investing such a long time in a company and helping it grow from 10 to 40 stores you become pretty attached to its people and to its success. Leaving was never something I took lightly. Ultimately, it came down to passion. Sure, the job paid my mortgage, provided me

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On Clues & Closets – Special Guest Post

by David King on December 24, 2012

clue
(kloo) noun
something that serves to guide or direct in the solution of a problem, mystery, etc.; his behaviour gave me a clue as to how I should proceed.

having a clue
(hav-ing a kloo) verb
a socially constructed state of being in which one has it all figured out, but which limits creativity and hinders diversity once attained; he’s 42 and still does not have a clue.

I’m 31, and much like Robbie, I still don’t have a clue – or at least not a solid one. You know, one of those clues you can really hold onto and run away with. The kind of clue that motivates you to eat your Wheaties in the morning and check your mutual funds in the afternoon (I don’t even really know what a mutual fund is – but I hope to, someday).

For now, clues are the stuff that dreams are made of. Or rather, clues and dreams are made of similar stuff. Scratch that – dreams rock, clues are for sell-outs. I’ll return to this point.

On my blog David Bothered (www.davidbothered.com), I write about some pretty big issues – religion, science, environmental conservation, self-actualization, you name it. I

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The Soundtrack Of My Life

by Robbie Romu on December 8, 2012

stupid
(stoo-pid) adjective
lacking intelligence or common sense: I am stupid.

fat
(fat) noun
a natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animals bodies, esp. when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs: I am fat.

My brain has a default setting: I am stupid and fat. Like a diabolical jukebox that plays only “Barbie Girl” or “Achey Breaky Heart” until you want to pour battery acid in your ears, so goes my brain.

It looks something like this: there is a miniature tape player located at the back of my head, snugly lodged in my cerebellum – yours may be an I-Pod if you’ve already had the upgrade. It hums a long, quietly forgotten, playing the dull everyday elevator music of my life until something happens that requires a more dramatic soundtrack.

CLICK

WHIR

A new track plays…  It’s something more appropriate… It’s… Oh, it’s “You’re Stupid And Fat” again…

Over the years I have purchased some great albums for my tape player: Essential Affirmations Vol. 1 and 2, Oprah Winfrey’s Greatest Hits, Positive Platitudes (the spoken word version narrated by Morgan Freeman is phenomenal), and Anthony Robbins’ classic, Awaken The Giant Within: The … Read more...

Did I Vote On Your Marriage?

by Robbie Romu on November 8, 2012

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for the GLBT community.

Ask any American where the center of the Universe is and they’ll tell you it’s somewhere below the 49th parallel and above Mexico.  Many will choose New York City, Los Angeles or Las Vegas.  How many would choose Annapolis, Augusta or Olympia, the capital cities of Maine, Maryland and Washington State?

On November 6th, 2012, the good people of these three states voted to allow same sex couples to get married.  It is the first time in the US where this decision was made by the people and not the courts.

Forgive me if I overstate; this is a watershed moment for GLBT people worldwide and perhaps the most important day in the history of the gay rights struggle.

America is the bright beacon of hope for so many people around the world, whether we like it or not, often “how goes America, how goes the world.”  Even though it isn’t a perfect system, democracy is the best option out there, and democracy spoke loud and clear on Tuesday night.

32 times in a row voters in the US approved initiatives to define marriage … Read more...